From articles about startups & geek culture to career & life advice, these are the thoughts on the Tip of my Tung.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

How to Love Someone Else Again

Saturday, April 28, 2012 Posted by Unknown , No comments

 (Note: I wrote this because two people in my life had both come off of very serious relationships. As I thought about what they were going through, inspiration came, and this "thought" was born)

Start at the first time you thought you knew it. It could've been when you saw Cory and Topanga hold hands for the first time. It could've been when you were in the sandbox, and the sun reflected perfectly off of a little blonde girl's hair, and you felt that pang in your chest that you thought was what Dad felt when he looked at Mom. Whenever that first moment was, focus on it because that was the first time you thought you knew what love was.

Then look back again, but not as hard as before. Remember when you first knew what it was like to be in love with someone who didn't love you back and thinking that it would be the end of the world. That you would never love someone the same way ever again. Remember how you thought you would die alone in an apartment filled with cats, and even though your kittens would meow affectionately at you, they would never give you a fraction of the warmth you wanted from the person who broke your precious little heart. Remember that moment, and then laugh, because now you know that was definitely not what love was.

Then look back again, but not as hard as before. Remember when you first knew what it was like to be with another person. But not the carnal sense of release you get from fucking someone out of the pure need to know what it's like to fuck them. No. Remember what it was like when you felt a full body orgasm, a cathartic experience in your very soul, and you knew this is what it meant to make love. You could taste, breath, and feel the person beneath you. And, for the first time, you could look into the eyes of the person you were with, and you didn't want them to leave your apartment. In fact, you wanted them to stay, to hold you, and to really love you. Feel that moment, and remember the first time you felt the collision of an emotional and physical love--a life changing type of love.

Then look one more time, and remember what it was like to feel withdrawal from another person. Remember how you needed someone so badly that you would text and call them, and, pushing your better judgment aside, you'd drunkenly arrive at their apartment at two in the morning and do whatever you had to in order to feel their love again--even if it meant sacrificing your own needs. Remember what it felt like to be used, to be hurt, and to swear off the opposite sex all together. Remember what it felt like to want to be with the one person that you called your world, and for the first time, know that they weren't the one that was best for you. Remember what it felt like to say and understand these words and realize that you would be okay. Don't ever forget this moment. This is the most important memory to hold on to because this was when you began to love yourself.

Now look at yourself today. You might be sitting in a restaurant laughing with friends, and someone smiles at you. You might be at a bar talking to someone that you met online or someone that's a friend of a friend. You might even be at work, and your coworker says something that you aren't sure if it was meant as a flirt or a friendly compliment. When it happens, it'll shoot a shiver up your spine and butterflies will swarm your stomach. You'll feel the uncertainty of a love you thought you knew. You'll get an instant replay of all the moments that have defined your past relationships. The naivety, the hurt, that one love that used to be true, the withdrawals, and the strength that has come with loving yourself.

As those moments flood your mind and you wonder if you should even acknowledge the smile, if you should leave early, or if you should go back to your desk, I beg you to smile back, stay for another drink, or ask your coworker what they're doing this weekend and if you could possibly join them. Because, it is in this present that you grow again: you are now able to love yourself, acknowledge the pain of the past, and refuse to let it stop you from finding the love that 90s TV shows taught us. It is in this moment that you let yourself try and love someone else again.